Home Oh My God
Oh My God

 

Vladimir Putin, a real life superhero

Vladimir Putin is what happens when James Bond gets one of his villains pregnant and the child grows up.

Putin is the good and bad guys combined so that the morality cancels out and you’re left with the best part of a Hollywood movie: a real life superhero.

ages, signed bills mandating increased wages for teachers and nurses, and his approval rating is so constantly, ridiculously high, he’s the only world leader reviewed by IGN. Either he is ruthlessly exploiting the media or he is a real-life action hero of such colossal scope that any movie starring him would seem absurd.

 

Fire Fighting

 

Last year when fire devastated a complete Russian region, Putin didn’t appear in front of a camera to talk like most Presidents do.

 

vladimir-putin-macho-olympics

 

 

He took the natural disaster as something personal and piloted a fire fighting plane himself to help beating the fire.

He acted as Captain Planet’s would do.

Flying a plane filled with water was just the natural thing to do for the super Putin.

 

Wild

 

Las year also, Putin visited a national park to see a trapped tiger.

After his visit the adjective trapped suddenly no longer applied to the tiger.

Putin scooped up a tranquilizer pistol, dropped the tiger and, as if just downing a man eating predator wasn’t enough, he helped measure its teeth.

More countries need to be in the capable hands of a man who defeats tigers.

 

Martial art

 

On a recent official visit to Japan Vladimir took time out from political meetings to show off his Judo skills.

Putin demonstrated his willingness to take on any nation at its own sport.

He suited up and showed everyone his version of various sweeps and throws on the center Kodokan instructor in a sparring match.

While Qaddafi and Obama has to pay foreigners to fight his own people, you get the impression that if the Russian public ever rebelled Putin would roll up his sleeves and give the army the day off.

Actually in Russia the word Putin also means Judo.

 

Internet

 

Putin also knows exactly what succeeds online.

Instead of posting deeply boring social debates on the web, Vladimir asked on his facebook how to name his puppy.

He personally read every single name suggestion and invited the five year old Moscow boy Dima Sokolov who suggested the name, to meet him and the Puppy.

To give you an idea of what that means for a Russian boy in occidental terms it would be like meeting Jesus and RoboCop at the same time.

 

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)

 

I rather die

 

Doctors and commercials don’t tell you about the side effects of the prescription.

Have you ever read the side effects of any medicine before taking it?

Last night I read the side effect of my anti-allergy pill and I’m convinced that it cause me more sickness than what it actually cure.

The leaflet says ‘This medicine may cause nausea, dry mouth, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, excitability, loss of motor function, irregular heartbeat, tingling sensations in the chest and sinuses’.

Instead of spend lots of money on drugs and alcohol you may take advantage of common medicines side effects.

 

Ambien

Though doctors classify Ambien as a sedative many people claim that it has led them to some of the most amazingly zombie experiences of their lives.

Entire message boards are dedicated to telling stories about the wild night’s people have while taking Ambien.

 

700

 

A study proves that Ambien makes people do a variety of things in their sleep.

People dance, sing, play games and even have sex under the sedative effect and then, they don’t remember anything afterward.

What this medication basically does is stimulate the side of your brain that makes you awesome.

 

Antibiotics

 

If you’ve never had an infection, consider yourself lucky.

The main symptom of an infection are smelling urine, the urge to constantly pee and a burning pain in your wee wee while doing it.

Taking antibiotics is like having the alien instead of genitals.

Doctors prescribe antibiotics to clear up the infection but they forget about the pain while the antibiotics do their work.

While taking antibiotics I strongly recommend not to eat something acid or spicy.

You can imagine why.

 

Viagra

 

Everybody jokes about side effect of Viagra as it was a five hour boner or something similar.

The side effect of taking the blue pill is actually becomes a blue creature.

If you sexual fantasy is about bang Smurfette then probably Viagra will work for you.

A study held with 69 patients who take Viagra, shows that their skin start turning into light blue.

One of the patients even claimed that he would give up all the sex in the world to be able to be white again.

Maybe that was indicative of a second Viagra side effect: not being able to set up priorities.

 

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

 

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (6 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)

 

Something to share?

 

Some people think they are connected because they share content on the internet.

The idea of connection based on the fact that we can see what you are having for breakfast don’t seem to realize that no one actually read your posts.

Before the internet people didn’t care about each other neither but at least they din’t indulge the illusion like they do today.

 

Twitter

 

People think that having 48 followers’ means that 48 human beings read everything they say.

Well, I have news.

 

oooooooo

 

 

 

Following a person on Twitter is basically the version of clicking Like on Facebook.

The people who follow you don’t read you, they like you.

But the illusion that Twitter creates is powerful.

Even knowing that nobody actually read what you post, you keep the hope alive that tweeting something means interacting with your followers.

 

Online quiz

 

Which Harry Potter character are you?

Which superhero are you?

How stupid are you?

You name the faggotly question and there is an online quiz to find the answer.

Do you know who is interested in those test results?

No one.

It is near inexplicably how everyone on the internet believes that all the other people want to see their quiz results.

I cannot imagine even one good reason for a lucid creature to be interested in something like that.

 

Chat captures

 

Another thing everyone mistakenly thinks the world will be interested in is chat captures.

You can’t scroll more than 2 pages at any funny page without seeing a chat image.

People think their own chats are funny enough to be captured and sent to a page so they can become public entertainment.

Even assuming that those chats may be funny among your friends, all the fun ends the very same minute you share it with people who don’t know you or any of your friends.

What on Earth make you suppose that any of us would find funny your internal jokes?

It’s amazing how much fun you guys have together but please, don’t share it with us.

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (5 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)

1 4015

 

You have no idea who you are

Have you ever wonder why nobody tells the smelly guy that he smells?

Or why he can’t smell himself or notice that we move away every time he shows up?

The reason is because we all are the smelly guy in some way.

As smart as you are, when it comes to judge yourself, you are always wrong.

 

You are not nice

 

Even if you try hard and you think you are nice, you are not.

No matter how many self-deprecating jokes you make or how much you talk about how you suck and play the role of the lovable loser, deeply inside you think you are nicer than you actually are.

 

 

perception

 

 

Every single human being overestimates how generous he is.

A study from the Department of Psychology at the University of Arizona reveals that we have an accurate idea of how selfish the rest of the world is but we don’t perceive ourselves as selfish.

We all picture ourselves as an elite moral minority.

 

You are not free

 

Remember that interview where Charlie Sheen was giving advices to Lindsay about drugs?

That’s the perfect example.

That man was convinced he was not in the same situation than Lindsay and he pictured himself as authorized to give her advices about drugs and self-control.

Given the fact he is a public figure we just laugh about him and make fun of the situation.

You should stop laughing because science says that bizarre double standard like this apply to all of us.

While we are away from drugs, alcohol and promiscuous sex, we are not able to calculate how much of temptation we can handle.

You think you can handle a lot more temptation than you truly can.

The surer you are about your self-control, the more likely you will end up screwed at the first opportunity.

Without consciously thinking it, you assume that our own future is an open horizon of possibilities.

You think that your future depends on your actions and that your day to day choices really matter.

And you think that any day, you’ll break free of the matrix and just fly away.

 

You are racist

 

Think about the following.

Racism is a huge problem and it influences jury decisions, hiring practices and every kind of organizational decision.

So it is huge.

Now tell me, how many racists do you know?

So? How can racism be such a gigantic social issue if we don’t even have racists?

It’s simple, we are all racists and we lie about it.

Especially you.

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (6 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)

Will Batman always win?

 

Yes.

The question isn’t whether or not Batman will always win; the question is why he always does, why Batman never loses.

What we perceive as a defeat in his movies is just Batman facing a new form of victory.

In this article I will explain the attributes that make Batman undefeatable.

 

Insanity

 

Is Bruce Wayne Batman being silly or is Batman Bruce Wayne being crazy?

The answer is they are both crazier and dumber than you ever imagine.

It’s notorious that Bruce Wayne isn’t simply pretending to be disturbed.

And despite the debate whether Batman is the personality shelf where Bruce Wayne stores the crazy plates, one thing is certain: Batman has his own absolutely crazy persona.

 

the-dark-knight-rises-batman

 

 

Batman is full of bad trauma like dad not loving him or losing her supermodel girlfriend.

And this is why we all love you, Batman.

Craziness is the most significant Batman’s superpower because as in real life, crazy cannot be defeated, it can only be diverted.

It is lunacy, my friends, that settles the day in Gotham City.

Of course Bane is brilliant and powerful but he made one mistake, he brought logic into a crazy fight.

 

He is always ready

 

Gotham is where plans go to die.

That’s why Joker’s a perfect halt for Batman, because he’s the embodiment of chaos.

However we need to remember that Batman is, too.

Batman wears the night as a costume and makes himself the patron of unknown terrors.

He isn’t about order, he’s about control.

The Joker, like most great comedians, offers a perfect critique of how screwed we all are, but no solutions.

And Batman, like many offended audiences, keeps interrupting the act to tell him he sucks.

What Bane and The Joker fails to understand is that every moment Batman is beating criminals, he’s doing what he loves, and once there are no more criminals, he’s getting what he wants.

In any scenario, he’s at least breaking even.

 

Apathy

 

Batman doesn’t care about nature, ecology, global warming or any other trending issue.

Batman is a traumatized orphan and that’s why he doesn’t adapt well to society.

He surrounds with women he doesn’t like and he pretend to get drunk so other people will think he parties hard.

If Bruce Wayne were on Facebook he’d have 45 friends.

The only thing he cares about is people he can trust; everything else for him is peripheral.

And the result of this detachment is that he’s obligated to no one.

There’s a great advantage in disinterest.

 

….

the world must know the truth!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (5 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)

 

Social networking tips

According to a worldwide study 3 out of 4 couples married in the last decade met on the internet.

If you also want to find interesting people please read carefully this tips.

 

–          Please choose an interesting and realistic profile picture.

 

Social-Media-People

 

 

The picture reflects the features you want to be shown about your personality, so be very mindful in the selection.

Avoid glasses, boobs and make up.

Of course do not add another person. Remember, is a profile picture of you, not a soccer team poster.

If the picture portrait you doing something or in a specific place, make sure that is something usual.

For you to show how great the Everest climb was you will want to create an album, not a profile picture.

 

–          Do not include all your personal information in your profile and make it visible to only your friends, never public.

Even to your friends, hide information, hide as much information as you can without appearing arrogant.

 

–          Stay away of any statement.

Avoid religious, sportive or political references as much as possible.

If other people post in your wall do not like the post or comment, leave it to the public.

 

–          Think ten times before posting something and a thousand before commenting.

You will not have a second chance to re post that so count until ten and when in doubt, throw it out.

Also pictures.

Pictures are the image you project to the world about you.

Most people don’t read so they only take information from your pictures.

 

–          Be responsive, educated and quiet.

Reply to every single message and invitation you receive, even if you don’t know who the person is.

 

–          Ask for advice about your profile.

Most of the time your friends and family are the best on correcting you from what is wrong.

Use that objectivity power they have and ask them what they think you should modify in your profile.

And obey.

Also look yourself at your profile from another person device so you can see how it looks to other people or use the ‘View as’ feature.

 

–          Be specific in the information.

You should not include too much personal information but if you decide to add some do not overpopulate that area.

Let’s say you want to add some music you like, ok but just a few.

Trust me, by telling the world that you like music you are not doing any favor to yourself, pretty much the contrary.

–          If there is something you really can’t stand it is better to subtle let that know to viewers.

It can be anything, maybe you don’t tolerate blond people or black people ok, with just one little sarcastic comment is more than enough to maintain blondes and darkies away from you.

 

–          Show humor in your profile.

Without being goofy you need to make sure everyone understand you don’t take yourself or your internet profile seriously.

 

–          Allow yourself to make mistakes.

There need to be something in your profile that shows uncaring.

Even if you’ve been thinking during a month about it, it needs to reflect careless.

If you are perfect like me you probably wouldn’t find any mistakes so take advantage of the social network itself to do that for you.

Just by not posting a background picture or by not selecting the correct city you live in, people will think you don’t know how to do it or you don’t care about it.

 

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

 

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (5 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)

 

 

 

Top 10 richest NFL players of 2014

Based on 2014 contracts we’ve made the list of the top 10 highest earning NFL players.

 

 

10. Mario Williams – Salary $16,000,ooo

 

 

Mario Williams

 

 

9. Larry Fitzgerald – Salary $16,062,5oo

 

 

Larry+Fitzgerald+NFC+Media+Day+c6tj4paBw8al

 

 

8. Tony Romo – Salary $17,071,428

 

tony-romo

 

 

 

7. Jay Cutler – Salary $18,100,ooo

 

 

jay-cutler

 

 

6. Aaron Rodgers – Salary $18,678,571

 

tumblr_m12fz1K7XN1qdyvixo1_500

 

 

5. Calvin Johnson – Salary $18,812,5oo

 

nfl_maddencover_25

 

 

 

 

4. Matt Ryan – Salary $18,958,333

 

 

MATT-RYAN

 

3. Peyton Manning – Salary $19,200,ooo

 

Eagles Broncos Football

 

2. Drew Brees – Salary $20,000,ooo

 

Drew Brees

 

 

1. Joe Flacco – Salary $20,100,ooo

 

joe-flacco

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)

 

Animals hate humans

 

Animals are bastards.

Animals have bad attitudes to themselves and also to humans.

If we want to last as specie we need to stop petting and protecting them and leave them to the wild.

It is very dull to accept an image about animals based on cartoons or Disney movies because while we are busy rooting for them they’ve been quietly revealing their true colors causing lot of pain.

 

Squirrels

 

Nature is like prison, if you don’t molest the softest guy on your block you become the softest guy on the block.

That’s exactly what’s happening with squirrels.

 

Beware Animals on the Trail

 

In December 2013 a four year old girl thought she was being hugged by his furry little woodland friend until it started digging its fingers into his scalp.

At this point the girl started screaming and rolling in the grass.

The squirrel just dug in that much harder and killed the girl.

And this is not an isolated incident.

A squirrel attacked six people in the U.K. this summer and the whole town of Bennington was terrorized by a group of gay squirrels.

 

Cows

 

We tend to assume cows are content to eat grass and wait around to get killed by the gun from men.

Cows are about as harmless as any 1,500 pound creature can be and even more if you consider that there are 200 million of them in America alone.

Cows are legion.

Last year in England, cows killed four people between June and July.

And that was not an outbreak of mad cows; there were four separate incidents in four separate towns.

A fifth person, the spokesman of the London Blind Association, was attacked but not killed while he was out walking his guide dog.

 

Deer

 

I hear deer and automatically think Bambi.

But Bambi is just a cartoon and regular old deer are pure evil.

Deer need lots of calcium to grow their antlers and sometimes they see humans, especially infants drinking milk, as a good source of it.

They specifically target the bones, spitting out the meat and skin like watermelon seeds.

That doesn’t sounds as friendly as Bambi, does it?

 

Bunnies

 

Bunnies look like they are the result of sex between cotton balls and a stuffed animal.

There is no possible way you may figure a bunny could do anything malicious.

Last month in Australia an evil rabbit, presumably after watching too much Monty Python, decided to attack an elderly woman while she hung her laundry.

The little bastard made hit and run attack at the old lady, causing her to die.

When her husband found her body, he was attacked as well.

He fought off the crazed rabbit with a stick and police later reported that when they arrived the bunny was winning the fight.

 

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (4 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)

 

How to stop being an idiot

 

There is a reason why clichés exist and most of them have to do with humans being an unimaginative specie.

Another reason for them to exist is that we constantly seek comfort and we think that repeating those popular phrases will create the illusion of intelligence.

It is up to you keep being an idiot or start being a person who speaks what creates inside his mind.

 

The exception that proves the rule

 

The exception that proves the rule is a Disneylandian jump into twisted logic.

 

 

Claiming that something that breaks a pattern merely reveals the existence of a pattern is not only untrue, it’s also crazily illogic.

If something doesn’t follow the rule is exactly the opposite of proving the existence of that rule.

Whatever that is breaking the pattern is actually a proof that there is no such a rule.

 

Too long. Didn’t read

 

There are lots of internet cliché like ‘Fail’ or ‘Dafuq’ for example but the most overused by idiots is TLDR.

This one it actually do fail in its own execution.

Even in situations where the term is appropriate because yes, some things are too long, in order for you to figure that out, you have to read it.

Only then you can say whether the presentation lasted longer than the idea.

Too long wish I didn’t read TLWIDR would make much sense.

Before you all smart internet commenting explain it to me, yes, I know you can look at some text and decide not to read it because is long.

But the trollish use of TLDR means that something is not worth reading.

 

Everything happens for a reason

 

This one wouldn’t bethat retarded if they take it literally.

But no, they believe they are part of some mystic unseen hand that controls the universe in their own favor.

Yeah sure, you are fat, ugly and bald because God has better plan for you.

This formula insists that happy endings always exist.

You see, they would never find how amazing your blood color is if that guy wouldn’t shoot you in the abdomen.

Or if there is no happy ending then your suffering benefits another people like

Aw don’t be sad that you were fired from your dream job, think about the great opportunity you gave to that woman that is now taking your place.

I agree that not every suffering is pointless or that nothing good can ever come out of a bad situation but the arrogance that comes from the belief that tragic events are always justified as part of a larger plan is just intolerable for me.

 

Good always win

 

Do I have to explain this one?

I guess yes because people keep saying this all the time.

There are a lot of good people that have a great life and are winners in life but being a winner itself is not the test of greatness.

Let me give you an example.

In 1969 the Beatles release Abbey Road.

During that year you also had Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, and Led Zeppelin on the peak of their careers.

Do you know what the number 1 song of 1969 was? Sugar Sugar by The Archies.

Good always win?

Maybe that one was the exception that proves the rule.

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)

0 2063

 

The future belongs to ants

Is very likely that you don’t think about ants as a real threat.

You might be thinking that they are not a big deal because they are small but the truth is that they are specially evil and powerful.

They will wait for you to go to sleep, climb on your face and bite you to death.

And your family.

We need to stop them before they take over.

 

Ants don’t belong to Earth

 

There is no need for us to preserve ants because they are invaders.

They are the worst animal invaders of all time.

 

79051875_640

 

 

Ants don’t play any positive role in our ecosystem because they don’t even belong here.

They’re just creating a blind trail of destruction and domination.

 

Ants kill everything

 

It’s not just that they’re horrible invaders but they’re actually destroying whole civilizations of other creatures.

They are also destroying the ecosystem.

First, they invaded and either got rid of or assimilated all of the larger, native ants.

Then, all the species that used to feed on those big ants will die and finally all of the animals that depended on this species will be also extinguished.

Ants actually benefits from destruction.

 

Poison doesn’t kill ants

 

Ants don’t die when you spray them with pesticide.

In fact and I know this is hard to believe, they do the opposite of dying.

They live even harder.

According to the National University of Manaus, spraying ants with pesticides causes them to lay more eggs.

Ants have already thought of our clever plans and they’re way ahead of us, metaphorically speaking.

They are all around us, literally speaking.

 

 

 

….

the world must know the truth!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (3 votes cast)
VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)