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Life is a scam

 

When you’re a kid you imagine how life would be as an adult.

As an adult you can start making money, you can vote, you can drink…

It seems that being an adult is awesome and it truly is but there’s load of stuff that no one prepared you for.

 

Authority

 

When you are young adults impose figures of authority.

On day, when you grow up, you find yourself eating healthy, controlling your emotions and being extremely nice to everyone for no reason.

You discover yourself being a good person just because you’re conditioned from childhood to be that way.

You respect people; you listen to others, and you help strangers in the street for no reason.

As adults we got stuck in patterns, patterns of Thank you, Please, I’m fine, You go first, As you prefer, If you like it that way is fine to me…

We constantly seek approval.

 

Time

 

When I was a kid the Beatles were always playing as background music in my house.

No matter what we were doing, there were the Beatles there also.

A fact of growing up is that you lose time.

 

Cook-Kitchen-Healthy-1000x500

You work, you visit people, you exercise, you pay bills, you go shopping, you organize your clothes, and sometimes you forget to spend you precious seconds of life listening to cool music.

The music that makes you think of fun and awesome times, the music that you used to listen with your parents and friends when all the time was about being fun and awesome.

 

Food

 

As a kid you take food for granted without never imagine the horror of grocery shopping or if you forget it, the horror of calling the delivery every single night.

From the outside, having dinner could appear as incredibly easy but is not.

Every night you arrive home wishing not to be hungry simply to avoid dealing with the food dilemma.

You buy food and eat it, yes sounds easy but when you’re the one doing it, it’s so much worse.

Should I prepare something? Should I go to my neighbor place and eat their food? Should I call the delivery?

A meal is not worth so many questions.

And that’s one of the main reasons adults are fit.

We don’t like to think, we skip meals.

Life is all about increasingly skip meals until one day we are so weak that we end up dying.

 

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the world must know the truth!

 

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Top 2014 luxury cars

 

Mercedes-Benz C-Class

The C-Class has gone in for a thorough interior makeover in the past years, receiving a fresh dashboard look with up to date technology.

The old base V6 engine has been ditched in favor of a turbocharged 1.8 liter 4 cylinder that gets 31 miles per gallon on the highway.

Plus, the C-Class is offered as a sleek coupe as well as a sedan.

 

Cadillac ATS

The rear wheel drive ATS sport sedan is only entry level in its compact size.

 

2013 Cadillac ATS

 

 

ATS stands out for its impressive interior quality, exceptionally sharp styling and cutting edge CUE system, which turns the center stack into a touch based infotainment center.

Whether you choose the sensible 2.5-liter 4-cylinder, the strong and fuel-efficient turbo 4-cylinder or the burly 3.6-liter V6, the ATS will deliver a comprehensive luxury experience.

 

Lincoln MKZ

Lincoln has gone to great lengths to improve its products over the past few years and the Fusion-based MKZ is a case in point.

The MKZ starts with Ford’s EcoBoost turbocharged 2.0-liter 4-cylinder, a sprightly 240-hp motor that’s only offered on top-of-the-line Fusion models, while the exclusive 3.7-liter V6 option packs a healthy 300 hp.

The turbo returns 33 mpg on the highway, too.

If that’s not enough, the Hybrid model borrows the Fusion Hybrid’s fuel-sipping 4-cylinder powertrain for an incredible 45 mpg.

 

Lexus IS

All new for 2014, the nimble rear wheel drive based IS clearly isn’t a wallflower anymore.

Sleek and muscular, the IS was definitely designed to turn heads, particularly with the F Sport model’s unique wheels and grille.
Fortunately, those sporty looks are matched by the way the IS drives.
The sublime front bucket seats make you feel like you’re driving a sports car, and if you go for the IS 350 with its 306-hp V6, you’ll have the acceleration to match.

 

 BMW 3 Series

The 3 Series seems to have matured with its latest design.

Formerly focused on snug dimensions and taut performance, the 3 Series is larger and more accommodating now.

Like the IS, it can carry four adults in comfort, and the cabin is airier and more upscale but the 3 Series hasn’t lost the plot in the engine room, as even the mainstream 328i comes with an excellent turbocharged 4 cylinder rated at 240 hp and 33 mpg.

The 3 Series also offers a rare wagon variant, and keep an eye out for the even more affordable 2014 320i sedan with 180 hp, as well as the desirable 328d turbodiesel sedan and wagon.

 

 

 

 

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You are not trendy, you are sick

 

There was a time in history where people didn’t want to have diseases.

In the past it was considered cool to be healthy.

Now time has changed and being normal is a label for people to make fun of.

 

Asperger

 

Asperger’s is a type of autism.

It’s a lifelong challenge for people who have it and also a great opportunity for lazy people with bad social skills to excuse themselves.

 

Diet-For-Prevent-Gluten-Allergy

 

Asperger’s needs to be diagnosed by a doctor but today there are lots of people that just Google

their awkward manners and auto diagnose with it.

They self-indulge that way.

Being unsocial is not their fault anymore, they are sick now.

No one can blame you and tell you how rude you are because poor thing, you have a condition.

Also, since there is no cure for Asperger’s people can’t make you do anything about it.

 

Bipolar

 

Bipolar disorder is a serial mental illness but for some reason today anyone with mood swings self-diagnose with it.

Sometimes I’m happy and sometimes I’m sad, I’m bipolar.

Dude, you are not bipolar, you just need to exercise some self-control like we all do.

Of course it is easier to say you’re bipolar so people will give you sympathy and pity because your struggles are way beyond what normal people have to go through.

They’ll also encourage you to seek professional help, but you won’t go because if you go to see a therapist he will tell you that you are not bipolar and as the rest of humanity you just need to manage your emotions.

Yes, every single person sometimes is happy and sometimes is sad.

 

Gluten Intolerance

 

All of the sudden, it seems like nobody can tolerate gluten anymore.

Apparently since a couple of years, gluten becomes some kind of horrible poison.

Every single food is now being served in a gluten-free version.

The real fact is that gluten can give diarrhea to less than one percent of the population who have celiac disease.

Beyond people with celiac disease, gluten won’t give you anything.

But it seems to be so trendy say ‘I can’t eat gluten’ that suddenly millions of people discover they are intolerant to it.

Maybe you can try removing gluten from your diets to prevent symptoms of other diseases, like Asperger’s.

 

 

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Real woman vs. Porn actress

 

Porn sex is one way that real sex can be done and for some couples, it is the same as their sex life.

But is not the usual.

Most people aren’t as flexible as they are in porn,

And is not that real woman don’t enjoy sex but they need a little more effort than porn actresses to succeed.

In porn women reach great orgasms by going from 0 to full penetration.

 

Young couple relaxing in bed

 

 

That is a little far from reality.

If you don’t turn on the lady, she won’t be able to have a great time at all.

You wouldn’t notice because, you know, they fake.

Real woman love to make out before sex, it’s almost a requirement for them to reach the sexual climax.

Another tiny difference is the way porn actresses shave their parts.

No real woman is as hairless as they are.

Even though is true that the size matter, the reaction is quite the opposite between a porn star and a regular woman.

The porn star go all like ‘Oh my Godd, I love it!’

While a real person facing that monster will only wonder how not to shed a tear.

Even blowjobs are different.

In porn the ladies prefer that part, they actually stay down there for hours.

Real woman usually go read Yahoo Answers before a bootie call.

Anal sex is the real thing.

For porn stars is what they seem to enjoy the most, is like the sex got really intense and the sense of satisfaction back there is colossal.

Real woman just agree to do anal because they like the other person, it is more like a concession not as personal enjoyment.

And last but not least, orgasms.

The volume of orgasms in porn movies would ban all kind of sexual activity in almost any neighborhood I’ve ever lived.

They immediately fake those unnaturally deep orgasms and shout loud enough that nobody will be able to tell if they are actually enjoying or being eaten by a hunger lion.

Real woman makes different faces, some eye contact and kiss you in the cheek.

 

 

 

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Vladimir Putin, a real life superhero

Vladimir Putin is what happens when James Bond gets one of his villains pregnant and the child grows up.

Putin is the good and bad guys combined so that the morality cancels out and you’re left with the best part of a Hollywood movie: a real life superhero.

ages, signed bills mandating increased wages for teachers and nurses, and his approval rating is so constantly, ridiculously high, he’s the only world leader reviewed by IGN. Either he is ruthlessly exploiting the media or he is a real-life action hero of such colossal scope that any movie starring him would seem absurd.

 

Fire Fighting

 

Last year when fire devastated a complete Russian region, Putin didn’t appear in front of a camera to talk like most Presidents do.

 

vladimir-putin-macho-olympics

 

 

He took the natural disaster as something personal and piloted a fire fighting plane himself to help beating the fire.

He acted as Captain Planet’s would do.

Flying a plane filled with water was just the natural thing to do for the super Putin.

 

Wild

 

Las year also, Putin visited a national park to see a trapped tiger.

After his visit the adjective trapped suddenly no longer applied to the tiger.

Putin scooped up a tranquilizer pistol, dropped the tiger and, as if just downing a man eating predator wasn’t enough, he helped measure its teeth.

More countries need to be in the capable hands of a man who defeats tigers.

 

Martial art

 

On a recent official visit to Japan Vladimir took time out from political meetings to show off his Judo skills.

Putin demonstrated his willingness to take on any nation at its own sport.

He suited up and showed everyone his version of various sweeps and throws on the center Kodokan instructor in a sparring match.

While Qaddafi and Obama has to pay foreigners to fight his own people, you get the impression that if the Russian public ever rebelled Putin would roll up his sleeves and give the army the day off.

Actually in Russia the word Putin also means Judo.

 

Internet

 

Putin also knows exactly what succeeds online.

Instead of posting deeply boring social debates on the web, Vladimir asked on his facebook how to name his puppy.

He personally read every single name suggestion and invited the five year old Moscow boy Dima Sokolov who suggested the name, to meet him and the Puppy.

To give you an idea of what that means for a Russian boy in occidental terms it would be like meeting Jesus and RoboCop at the same time.

 

 

 

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I rather die

 

Doctors and commercials don’t tell you about the side effects of the prescription.

Have you ever read the side effects of any medicine before taking it?

Last night I read the side effect of my anti-allergy pill and I’m convinced that it cause me more sickness than what it actually cure.

The leaflet says ‘This medicine may cause nausea, dry mouth, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, excitability, loss of motor function, irregular heartbeat, tingling sensations in the chest and sinuses’.

Instead of spend lots of money on drugs and alcohol you may take advantage of common medicines side effects.

 

Ambien

Though doctors classify Ambien as a sedative many people claim that it has led them to some of the most amazingly zombie experiences of their lives.

Entire message boards are dedicated to telling stories about the wild night’s people have while taking Ambien.

 

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A study proves that Ambien makes people do a variety of things in their sleep.

People dance, sing, play games and even have sex under the sedative effect and then, they don’t remember anything afterward.

What this medication basically does is stimulate the side of your brain that makes you awesome.

 

Antibiotics

 

If you’ve never had an infection, consider yourself lucky.

The main symptom of an infection are smelling urine, the urge to constantly pee and a burning pain in your wee wee while doing it.

Taking antibiotics is like having the alien instead of genitals.

Doctors prescribe antibiotics to clear up the infection but they forget about the pain while the antibiotics do their work.

While taking antibiotics I strongly recommend not to eat something acid or spicy.

You can imagine why.

 

Viagra

 

Everybody jokes about side effect of Viagra as it was a five hour boner or something similar.

The side effect of taking the blue pill is actually becomes a blue creature.

If you sexual fantasy is about bang Smurfette then probably Viagra will work for you.

A study held with 69 patients who take Viagra, shows that their skin start turning into light blue.

One of the patients even claimed that he would give up all the sex in the world to be able to be white again.

Maybe that was indicative of a second Viagra side effect: not being able to set up priorities.

 

 

 

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Something to share?

 

Some people think they are connected because they share content on the internet.

The idea of connection based on the fact that we can see what you are having for breakfast don’t seem to realize that no one actually read your posts.

Before the internet people didn’t care about each other neither but at least they din’t indulge the illusion like they do today.

 

Twitter

 

People think that having 48 followers’ means that 48 human beings read everything they say.

Well, I have news.

 

oooooooo

 

 

 

Following a person on Twitter is basically the version of clicking Like on Facebook.

The people who follow you don’t read you, they like you.

But the illusion that Twitter creates is powerful.

Even knowing that nobody actually read what you post, you keep the hope alive that tweeting something means interacting with your followers.

 

Online quiz

 

Which Harry Potter character are you?

Which superhero are you?

How stupid are you?

You name the faggotly question and there is an online quiz to find the answer.

Do you know who is interested in those test results?

No one.

It is near inexplicably how everyone on the internet believes that all the other people want to see their quiz results.

I cannot imagine even one good reason for a lucid creature to be interested in something like that.

 

Chat captures

 

Another thing everyone mistakenly thinks the world will be interested in is chat captures.

You can’t scroll more than 2 pages at any funny page without seeing a chat image.

People think their own chats are funny enough to be captured and sent to a page so they can become public entertainment.

Even assuming that those chats may be funny among your friends, all the fun ends the very same minute you share it with people who don’t know you or any of your friends.

What on Earth make you suppose that any of us would find funny your internal jokes?

It’s amazing how much fun you guys have together but please, don’t share it with us.

 

 

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Social networking tips

According to a worldwide study 3 out of 4 couples married in the last decade met on the internet.

If you also want to find interesting people please read carefully this tips.

 

–          Please choose an interesting and realistic profile picture.

 

Social-Media-People

 

 

The picture reflects the features you want to be shown about your personality, so be very mindful in the selection.

Avoid glasses, boobs and make up.

Of course do not add another person. Remember, is a profile picture of you, not a soccer team poster.

If the picture portrait you doing something or in a specific place, make sure that is something usual.

For you to show how great the Everest climb was you will want to create an album, not a profile picture.

 

–          Do not include all your personal information in your profile and make it visible to only your friends, never public.

Even to your friends, hide information, hide as much information as you can without appearing arrogant.

 

–          Stay away of any statement.

Avoid religious, sportive or political references as much as possible.

If other people post in your wall do not like the post or comment, leave it to the public.

 

–          Think ten times before posting something and a thousand before commenting.

You will not have a second chance to re post that so count until ten and when in doubt, throw it out.

Also pictures.

Pictures are the image you project to the world about you.

Most people don’t read so they only take information from your pictures.

 

–          Be responsive, educated and quiet.

Reply to every single message and invitation you receive, even if you don’t know who the person is.

 

–          Ask for advice about your profile.

Most of the time your friends and family are the best on correcting you from what is wrong.

Use that objectivity power they have and ask them what they think you should modify in your profile.

And obey.

Also look yourself at your profile from another person device so you can see how it looks to other people or use the ‘View as’ feature.

 

–          Be specific in the information.

You should not include too much personal information but if you decide to add some do not overpopulate that area.

Let’s say you want to add some music you like, ok but just a few.

Trust me, by telling the world that you like music you are not doing any favor to yourself, pretty much the contrary.

–          If there is something you really can’t stand it is better to subtle let that know to viewers.

It can be anything, maybe you don’t tolerate blond people or black people ok, with just one little sarcastic comment is more than enough to maintain blondes and darkies away from you.

 

–          Show humor in your profile.

Without being goofy you need to make sure everyone understand you don’t take yourself or your internet profile seriously.

 

–          Allow yourself to make mistakes.

There need to be something in your profile that shows uncaring.

Even if you’ve been thinking during a month about it, it needs to reflect careless.

If you are perfect like me you probably wouldn’t find any mistakes so take advantage of the social network itself to do that for you.

Just by not posting a background picture or by not selecting the correct city you live in, people will think you don’t know how to do it or you don’t care about it.

 

 

 

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Top 10 richest NFL players of 2014

Based on 2014 contracts we’ve made the list of the top 10 highest earning NFL players.

 

 

10. Mario Williams – Salary $16,000,ooo

 

 

Mario Williams

 

 

9. Larry Fitzgerald – Salary $16,062,5oo

 

 

Larry+Fitzgerald+NFC+Media+Day+c6tj4paBw8al

 

 

8. Tony Romo – Salary $17,071,428

 

tony-romo

 

 

 

7. Jay Cutler – Salary $18,100,ooo

 

 

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6. Aaron Rodgers – Salary $18,678,571

 

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5. Calvin Johnson – Salary $18,812,5oo

 

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4. Matt Ryan – Salary $18,958,333

 

 

MATT-RYAN

 

3. Peyton Manning – Salary $19,200,ooo

 

Eagles Broncos Football

 

2. Drew Brees – Salary $20,000,ooo

 

Drew Brees

 

 

1. Joe Flacco – Salary $20,100,ooo

 

joe-flacco

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Animals hate humans

 

Animals are bastards.

Animals have bad attitudes to themselves and also to humans.

If we want to last as specie we need to stop petting and protecting them and leave them to the wild.

It is very dull to accept an image about animals based on cartoons or Disney movies because while we are busy rooting for them they’ve been quietly revealing their true colors causing lot of pain.

 

Squirrels

 

Nature is like prison, if you don’t molest the softest guy on your block you become the softest guy on the block.

That’s exactly what’s happening with squirrels.

 

Beware Animals on the Trail

 

In December 2013 a four year old girl thought she was being hugged by his furry little woodland friend until it started digging its fingers into his scalp.

At this point the girl started screaming and rolling in the grass.

The squirrel just dug in that much harder and killed the girl.

And this is not an isolated incident.

A squirrel attacked six people in the U.K. this summer and the whole town of Bennington was terrorized by a group of gay squirrels.

 

Cows

 

We tend to assume cows are content to eat grass and wait around to get killed by the gun from men.

Cows are about as harmless as any 1,500 pound creature can be and even more if you consider that there are 200 million of them in America alone.

Cows are legion.

Last year in England, cows killed four people between June and July.

And that was not an outbreak of mad cows; there were four separate incidents in four separate towns.

A fifth person, the spokesman of the London Blind Association, was attacked but not killed while he was out walking his guide dog.

 

Deer

 

I hear deer and automatically think Bambi.

But Bambi is just a cartoon and regular old deer are pure evil.

Deer need lots of calcium to grow their antlers and sometimes they see humans, especially infants drinking milk, as a good source of it.

They specifically target the bones, spitting out the meat and skin like watermelon seeds.

That doesn’t sounds as friendly as Bambi, does it?

 

Bunnies

 

Bunnies look like they are the result of sex between cotton balls and a stuffed animal.

There is no possible way you may figure a bunny could do anything malicious.

Last month in Australia an evil rabbit, presumably after watching too much Monty Python, decided to attack an elderly woman while she hung her laundry.

The little bastard made hit and run attack at the old lady, causing her to die.

When her husband found her body, he was attacked as well.

He fought off the crazed rabbit with a stick and police later reported that when they arrived the bunny was winning the fight.

 

 

 

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