Jobs nobody wants to do
Not everyone is gifted enough to work writing funny articles on the internet.
Most of you have to do real jobs to pay bills and buy stuff.
And that’s fine because that’s how economy works but there are some jobs that are so awful that nobody tolerates.
If you ever get up before noon and have some time to spend, go to a grocery store and you will be very surprised.
When you go to a store after it’s just opened you discover how everything is supposed to be.
That’s because stores have stock clerks working all night to make it look like it’s a brand new store every morning.
For a solid eight hours at night, a team of unfortunate beings are putting new stock on shelves and turning all the old stock around and lining it up so everything looks brand new the next day.
By the time normal people go shopping, the store looks like hell again anyway, so it’s absolutely irrelevant that someone spent all night arranging the shelves.
I’ve work very close to technical support for a couple of years and realized their job is horrible.
Judging from the last times I have to call tech support I’m guessing is not getting any better.
I had to call my cellphone company from two different countries during the last year and the tech support available in one entire country was not able to assist me because my phone was purchased in another one.
From my perspective the main problem with this job is that is more necessary that it should.
I mean, your stuff should work.
Everything breaks down eventually and there are glitches here and there, but don’t tell me stuff isn’t just made in a much more lazy fashion with cheaper parts these days so there is no way for you not to end up calling support.
Dish washing is like the employment equalizer.
I’ve been in the kitchen of many restaurants and noticed that all dishwashers were always sad people.
Why is washing dishes so terrible?
To start, it’s a job you do at home and job you also do at home is going to breed a tiny bit of resentment.
It’s like you can’t get away from it, you wash dishes for six hours, then come home and keep washing your own plates.
The big deal with washing dishes is that on the employment totem pole, it’s as respected as janitor and garbage man.
No one really ever cares about a dishwasher.
It’s a job your employer expects even a chimp could do.
Dishwasher is one of the most humiliating tasks we have for a human being.
When you wash someone’s dirty plate it’s all the bits of food and sauce and sludge this person wasted, it’s like the universe feces you are cleaning out.
the world must know the truth!
Sports we want to add to the Olympics
Most of us just watch the Olympics to root for our country not because we enjoy it.
There are plenty of sports that could be added to the games to spice them up.
Even against my personal interest, I have to admit that watching pole vault is not exiting.
Of course you have to be an amazing athlete like me to do it, but is not entertaining.
What it is really enjoyable is canal jumping.
They have a pole planted in a canal and the contestants run up to the pole and climb up it as fast as they can while it tips to the other side.
Competitors has to jump off the pole at the last second and try to get as far as he can and whoever gets the farthest is the winner.
Gymnastics is fine but the sport that would really make us watch the Olympics is equestrian vaulting.
The only way to make gymnastics amazing is to put the athletes on speeding horses and have them do their routine on top of it.
And yes, this is already a sport.
We can take one of the boring sports like volleyball out, and add Sepak takraw to the Olympics.
Sepak takraw has the same rules as volleyball but is a flying spin version.
There is nothing funnier than spinning in the air to kick a tiny ball no bigger than a hacky sack into the opposing team’s court.
There are three people on each team because you need extra room to go flying across the court to dropkick the ball without accidentally kicking a teammate’s head off his shoulders.
It’s like break dancing in the air.
It’s the kind of sport they would play in the Matrix.
the world must know the truth!
Internet tears people apart
The Internet has given us access to remote people and news from all around the globe.
However, the Internet is also opposing neighbor against neighbor in new and innovative ways that only technology could have made possible.
You only talk to people you agree with
The better way you can improve as a person is by making mistakes and receiving corrections from other people.
Receive bad feedback from others is not nice but is the only way we can learn how to be better.
If you surround with ‘yes men’ people you will get disconnected from reality and excluded yourself from creating new social connections.
So far the internet is building that bubble of ‘yes men’ people around you and is not a conspiracy theory, is just how computer algorithms works.
Facebook for example, you think it gave you all of your friend’s updates in order?
Of course not, by default it filters the updates according to your previous preferences.
And that’s exactly why wrong information can circulate in a bubble where everybody agrees with it; because the ones who know the truth have been deliberately filtered out.
Last year I saw on Reddit the following headline ‘Russia is massing troops on Iran’s northern border ready to start a war if US attacks Iran’.
The source was BusinessInsider.com, a very respectable page which was pulling the article from World Net Daily where the story cites unnamed sources.
So let’s follow the path. Front page of a huge news portal -> popular website -> crazy site -> imagination of a random guy.
And by the way, Russia doesn’t border Iran.
We didn’t even pay attention to it because what we spend all of our time doing is browsing, fast browsing information without stop and dig into the details.
As online forums become more populated, for example, customers who are more positive and less involved tend to stick to the sidelines, while customers who are more involved and more critical take their place.
Online feedback tends to be either from people who are being negative or from people who are positive and see that other people are trashing the thing they’re positive about.
Now they have to speak up, just to try to negate the negativity.
One way or the other, the loudest, most negative people dictate the discussion.
You’ve probably also seen this phenomenon in every single political discussion that has ever taken place online.
Internet users versus everyone else
I wrote this complete article talking about different opinions you find on the internet, ignoring the fact that the Internet is not the world.
The digital gap is the breach between internet users and non-internet users.
You may think of the consequences of this as just simply oddity in social gatherings but in global terms, it’s a massive problem.
The differences between an internet user life and a non-internet user life are huge and get bigger every single day.
Internet use rewires our brains.
So if the internet is presenting us with the stories and opinions we care about, and internet is only available to the richest third of us, then no matter how open-minded you are, the pure fact that you’re reading this, means you’re already living in a bubble.
the world must know the truth!
San Francisco Daily
Iron Man is greater than Batman
I’ve used to like Batman more than Iron Man, then I studied them a little deeper and understood about my misconception.
Of course they are the best superheroes in their leagues, Batman beats Superman and Iron Man beats Captain America but when it comes to compare them to each other we have to think a little beyond the simplicity of physical strength.
Iron Man did more good
Maybe arms dealer is a challenging origin for a good guy but his father built the company when weapons merchants were heroes because of Hitler.
Howard Stark reversed the polarity of Godwin’s law.
His entire legacy was ‘No more Nazis’ and ‘Yes more Captain America’ which means he couldn’t have been a better advertisement for weapons technology.
Tony genuinely believed that giving the good guys guns was how you fixed things and sacrificed billions to stop the very second he found out he was wrong.
On the other side, the very instant Bruce Wayne didn’t get what he wanted; he stormed off to a remote prison hellhole.
Wayne Industries must have had more military projects on the go than the actual U.S. Army, they spent years and millions of dollars as the sort of company where forcing people to die of thirst was a possible revenue stream.
Both superheroes are ridiculously selfish billionaires abusing privilege like they hired it to wear a gimp mask in their basement.
Both hoard technology that could revolutionize society just to their own benefit but Tony Stark uses functional AI and a free power source to drunken drive in a way there aren’t laws against yet so at least he enjoys it.
He’s also working on infinite free energy for the world.
Bruce Wayne misuses more funds than Enron and uses it to hunt poor people for sport.
Watching Bruce Wayne worrying over his inability to stop crime while he could buy the entire GCPD, it’s annoying.
Both movies had the most perfect players possible without involving genetic engineering.
This could be a shot of the actor or the character.
Robert Downey Jr. was stuck being a boyfriend on the wimpy romantic legal comedy Ally McBeal, the exact opposite role to Iron Man, until he got fired for drug offenses and became the ultimate Method actor.
Since then, he’s become Tony Stark and Sherlock Holmes, the two best drug abusers in fictional history.
Christian Bale is also the perfect Batman.
He’s clearly a wealthy lunatic and emotionally deficient as Bruce.
Tony Stark realizes that people have been misusing his inventions to kill people.
Although when you invent missiles, there’s little room to misuse.
The profiteering war merchant then blew things up for two straight movies and the only things he killed were robots or actually pointing guns at screaming women and children at that exact moment.
On the other end is Batman whose ‘don’t kill them immediately’ attitude is about as moral as the guy from Saw.
He’s cruel and unusual punishment personified.
Gotham criminals don’t have employee insurance so every time he cripples one; he is at best dooming them to stay home for the rest of the days.
Gotham criminal’s families are now stuck with a bitter psychopath who cannot even leave the house.
Batman has caused more domestic violence than drugs and alcohol combined.
the world must know the truth!
Sports Illustrated Magazine
Olympic Winter Games
At my office we are forced to watch the Winter Olympics.
It’s not that they really force us but more like they coincidentally installed the TVs by the beginning of the Games, tuned on ESPN and nobody changed the channel ever since.
I can’t help but feeling sad thinking that all those withies spend their lives devoted to weird sports just for this one moment at the Olympics.
If the slightest thing goes wrong their whole existence goes straight down the drain.
And even if everything goes right and they win, nobody would actually care either.
I’ve decided to combine the luge and the skeleton into one entry because for me, they’re the same event.
The only real difference is with the skeleton you lay on your stomach and with the luge you lay on your back.
Skeleton is the gay man’s luge and luge is also the gay man’s luge.
The luge it’s just a person sliding around with an ice skate blade attached to their back.
And that’s awesome because all of us can watch it and say ‘Yes, I could be an Olympic athlete too’.
There is literally no talent required other than the willingness to pour yourself into a latex suit and toboggan.
And you know who can do that? Everybody.
When I mention figure skating I’m referring to women’s figure skating.
Men’s figure skating is an abomination that should be discarded from the public eye.
But that’s just a matter of time so let’s talk about women’s figure skating.
There is nowhere you can see more people hopes and dreams go down in flames like watching women’s figure skating.
These ladies spend their lives preparing for this one moment, they moved 800 miles away from home to be closer to the best coaches who can train them and then at that very moment, with only a one millisecond miscalculation they fall in the ice and ends with all their parents, friends and fellow citizens expectations.
If we talk about destroying life hopes and dreams, there is no place in Earth that has more of that per capita than a Winter Olympic figure skating event.
Biathlon is like the Danger Mouse of Olympic events.
This event is about rifles and cross country skiing, together.
I can’t help but imagine if the 1500 meter run during the normal Olympics was interrupted every 50 meters so the runners could break out firearms and start shooting.
I wrote this article only to reach this moment.
Has anyone on ever actually watched a curling match on purpose?
Yeah, I don’t think so either.
I had to even check on Wikipedia to understand the rules because as I mentioned earlier at my job we are required to watch the Winter Olympics.
Googling curling worked out fine because according to Wikipedia curling is awesome.
Check it out what it says.
‘A great deal of strategy and teamwork choosing the ideal path and placement of a stone for each situation, the skills of the curlers determine how close to the desired result the stone will achieve.
Curling is like Chess on ice’.
Curling is something (note I wrote something because I refuse to call it sport) that revolved around people screaming while wearing children’s roller shoes and furiously shaking brooms around a rock.
Sorry Wikipedia, this is not Chess on ice.
the world must know the truth!
Remaining as a low class employee may be the best option
So did you find a great job and you have the best metrics?
The difference between staying at the same job and making a career is huge.
You would instinctively think the second option is much better but is not.
There are things nobody tells you about growing at your job.
I have friends that only work for 8 hours and then they completely unplug.
They stay the required hours at the office and then enjoy doing other activities not caring about work.
When they are off, work stays at work and that little idea is the difference between having a career versus just working a job.
If something difficult happen being you just an employee and you are on a day off you will learn about that when you got back next Monday.
Once you reach a certain rung on the work, you will be aware of everything that happens at the office, even if is your day off because they will call you home and make you go there to solve it.
At this point there is no longer ‘work stays at work’ thing, for better or worse, your work is part of your life.
The higher you climb, the more people ask you opinion before taking a decision.
Every person that adds you to the list of people they ask, represent less time you have to perform your own duties.
People with just a plain 9 to 5 job would never understand this until they live it.
When you commit to a company everything in your life becomes a delicate and precise balancing time act: eating, visiting friends, even sleeping.
That ability to manage that time is what sets you apart from everyone else but also makes you lose the real life.
We are not here on this life for very long and the more you get done at work, the less you do with your personal life.
I used to gardening before being hired by the multinational I work for.
If you visit my garden today you will notice that has changed.
I was able to take care of my flowers a lot because I worked eight hours and had plenty of time to kill when I clocked out.
That’s the upside to being just another face performing basic functions.
The more responsibility I took on, the more of my life that job took up and there’s no such thing as a day off.
A job is something you tolerate; a career is something you live.
Now my hobby is my job and about flowers all I do is taking some random pictures of my garden.
You cannot be absent
If you work at a fast food restaurant and you get sick someone else can do your part, even the manager can jump into your spot.
The higher you climb on the corporate chain; the results get progressively worse for being absent.
If you go on vacation for example, when you are back almost everything went upside down.
Tons of work was piled up for you because nobody else has the skills or training to do it.
When you are not at the office there is an enormous hole that isn’t getting filled and all that work is waiting for you when you come back.
You have a very specific skill set that cannot be replaced and that’s why yours is called a career, while others are working a job.
Learn to enjoy
You have two options, keep working a job 9 to 5 or learn how to enjoy working a 16 hour day.
If you select the second option most of your friends and family won’t understand you.
With their framed minded idea of a crappy job they will tell you things like ‘You have to relax’ or ‘You need to enjoy life’.
Well I enjoy working now, you losers.
the world must know the truth!
Being rich is not that easy
I’ve born rich, rise rich and have enough intellectual resources to stay rich for the rest of my life.
I’m rich and I’m not going to pretend I’m poor to be accepted by mediocre people but let me be honest with you, being rich is not all fun and games.
Growing up in a rich family you get to travel a lot.
Nobody ask you if you want to travel, and in that case where you want to go.
They just force you to travel because it gives you and especially it gives them, status.
But when you are a kid you don’t get to enjoy the same things as adults so the memories you keep are always traumatic.
During my childhood my parents took me every summer to an expensive resort at the wonderful city of Cabo.
All I can remember is the pain of being stung by jellyfishes.
Eleven consecutive years spending the complete summer at the extraordinary Capella Pedregal and the only clear memory I have is being sucked by sea bugs.
Another scheduled trip was every July to Disney World, the happiest place on Earth…
What I remember about Disney? Exhaustingly long wait lines to access the games, melting hot weather and throwing up after every single roller-coaster ride.
When I was 7 my mother explained that she would never pay my ransom if I were kidnapped.
The reason was that we were a very wealthy family, which actually doesn’t make any sense to me today.
Ever since, I wake up every day fearing about being an easy target to captors with my mother warning lauding inside my head.
It doesn’t mean that if you are rich your parent do not love you but you end up understanding that they didn’t get rich by investing in feeling related possessions.
If your family is rich is mostly because they are cold hearted business people.
If they were to pay every time you were kidnapped they would just be encouraging other kidnappers until eventually the cost would outweigh the benefit and you would finally be a free kid living in a broken family.
That’s exactly what my mother was protecting me for.
Inside every wealthy child is a chemical reaction waiting to happen.
All of the vitamin fortified meals they gave you have the potential to mix together and awaken a strength you never knew you had.
It’s a strength you always wanted and was available all along.
And that strength can save you.
It can break knots in the middle of the night, and it can leap on the back of a grown man, wrapping its powerful tiny arms around his neck until he falls silently to the ground as the other kidnappers sleep.
Remember, if you are rich you have to be prepared to kill people and that could be very stressful.
At some point of your life, every well-to-do family person will end up in the middle of the woods at night after choking someone out in a cabin.
When you find yourself surrounded by wilderness and trying to get home, your best friend is a map.
That explains why poor people don’t understand maps and rich people do.
Anyway, maps are very boring and in the event you have to use them to survive, they are also hard to follow.
People don’t like rich people.
When the world knows you are wealthy, everyone will be looking for reasons to hate you.
They see you as the antithesis to the effort reward relationship on which poor people are based.
You have everything and you don’t care.
The only way you can make friends is lying.
We have to make up stories about how we pay for travel or expenses rather than telling the truth.
Don’t worry, you will eventually get used to live a life of fictional adventure and we will not ruined your secret.
Because being wealthy has its rewards, but being able to create your own imaginary world, that’s priceless.
the world must know the truth!
Side effects of moving to a new country
I used to live in different countries during my teenage years and a couple of years ago I decided to return home where all my friends are.
Now looking at all the experiences with distance there are some words of wisdom I want to share with people who plan to move abroad.
During the first month you will hate everything
The first time I moved to a foreign country, I stepped off the plane, updated my facebook status and went to experience the new city.
Ten minutes later I was crying out about how different and complicated everything was there.
I didn’t know where the grocery store was, how to make a sign for the taxi to stop, which cell phone company use, what neighborhood select to live…
Its incredible how quickly you flip from being happy at the hotel room playing with all the free stuff to the kind of bitterness that makes you hate almost everything in that city.
You are literally under some sort of culture shock, you don’t have any friends, you fear about everything, you don’t know anybody and you don’t trust anybody.
Even the tiniest detail of routinely life is different, from the road signs to the way they eat breakfast.
Before leaving your country you prepare yourself to be far from friends and neighbors but you completely forget to mentally prepare yourself to live in a world where plants, buildings, animals, smells and tastes are absolutely different.
At any time of day you are surrounded by things that remember you don’t belong there.
Consequently you immediately start hating very much everybody and everything there; the flowers are beautiful but stinky; the food is cheap but fatty, your new neighbors are friendly but annoying.
You miss things you never cared about
I’m a very flexible person and I guessed that adaptability would serve me to live far from home.
I was wrong.
Another side effect of living in a new country is that you mistake ‘familiar’ for ‘superior’.
There are lots of little details you’re so used to in your country, that you assume are part of the way the world works and you get exhausted from having to learn how to rebuild the entire structure from zero.
You get super patriotic
When I lived at my home country I never paid attention to national holidays or patriotic celebrations, I didn’t even see the point of patriotism.
Likewise now that I’m back home.
But during my years abroad every national holiday from my country I told everyone about it and defended my culture as I was an ambassador there.
Every immigrant you meet becomes your soul mate
I find very easy to make friends, I make new friends almost every day but when you are an immigrant is very hard to make friends.
You don’t have almost anything in common with the people you live with.
So every time you find another immigrant you became an insta-friend.
Of course that friendships never last because once you come back to your country you realize you don’t have anything in common with that people either.
And last but not least
All the same things happen to you in reverse when you move back home
I decided to move back to my country looking forward to be again part of a culture that I feel comfortable and familiar with.
I got every single symptom described on this article, backwards.
the world must know the truth!
Rolling Stone Magazine
Bruno Mars is greater than Freddie Mercury
It’s more than deserved that Bruno Mars is the idol lauded by the media with every honor possible this days.
We of course go a little further and analyze the reasons why he is so much better than the prodigious Freddie Mercury.
It may appear a bit premature to give such credit to someone who entered public consciousness last year but evidence speaks for itself.
Bruno origins made his music so exclusive and inimitable.
His mixed origins from South America, Philippines and North American result in a unique cultural combination reflected on his music bendiness.
He performed with his family’s band since the age of 4.
Of course Freddie vocals were also great but Bruno voice is unique in his high tenor range and exceptional tone.
He possesses a soulful, emotive timbre that retains clarity as they navigate the scales.
Bruno also holds a natural talent for creating melodic hooks that penetrate your subconscious.
He creates new music by singing the sounds and he write and co-write prolifically.
He also drew from various musical styles like Jazz, Rock, Afro Funk and Reggae.
He adapted many refrains and chorus and embedded it into musical history.
Bruno’s Rock, Rap and Reggae influences are apparent in the Lazy song and Locked out of heaven that artistically surpasses any of Freddie creations.
Generosity is another characteristic that we have to point out when comparing these two artists.
A star player knows how to puts team success first without overshadow anybody.
Listen any song where Freddie Mercury participates and tell me whose part stands out.
Then check out Bruno’s role on Billionaire with Travie McCoy, on Nothing on you with B.o.B. or on Lighters with Bad Meets Evil and Eminem and tell me what you think.
Bruno also co-wrote Flo-Rida’s Right Round, Cee-Lo’s Fuck You and songs for stars like Sean Kingston and Adam Levine without outshine them.
While Mercury was only followed by rock listeners, Mars has wide cross-genre appeal.
Again, let’s remember that we are comparing 29 years of career against less than 5.
Five years, time enough for Bruno to be nominated for 113 major awards, including 12 Grammy’s and nine Teen Choice Awards.
Bruno sold more than five million albums and 45 million singles worldwide in his first career year.
His debut album Doo-Wops & Hooligans went to number 1 in 2010 selling six million copies globally.
His first three singles went to number 1 in UK.
And btw, did Freddy Mercury performed at the Super Bowl?
the world must know the truth!
In Touch Weekly
Women can’t be funny
We probably listen two hundred times when a female describes the guy she’s dating saying that he’s so funny.
However when a male friend describes the lady he’s dating he would talk about her body, her personality, her kindness but we never hear a man adding ‘Oh and by the way, she’s so funny’.
And the reason why is very simple; because women are not funny.
There is never true humor in women, if ever anything does appear comical or ridiculous in a woman it is more like stupidity.
Women are raised not to be funny.
From young ages boys are allowed to be loud and tell jokes and be annoying while girls are encouraged to act like ladies.
And ladies sit quietly and decidedly do not draw attention to them.
Women are also prettier than men so why would they bother developing any other personality aspects since they already have everything they need to get ahead in life.
This is not to say that women are humorless or cannot enjoy joking.
Humor, after all, is a symptom of intelligence and women laugh at almost anything, often precisely because they are extremely astute.
The fact that so many men choose being funny over being with someone who’s funny is part of a wider point on jokes and gender roles.
In a way, humor gives power and since power is something we associate with men, humor is therefore seen as more of a masculine than a feminine quality.
Culturally for a woman to say a man is funny is the equivalent of a man saying that a woman is pretty.
A recent study from the University of San Francisco found that only 20 percent of jokes made by female bosses caused laughter while a full 96 percent of jokes by male bosses did.
And if you’ve ever heard a male boss tell a joke you know this isn’t down to the fact that they are entertaining.
The whole idea of male humor depends on the notion that women are never really the boss but mere objects.
The physical structure of the human being is a joke in itself.
And life is always funny and maybe is not by coincidence that men and women tend to refer to life itself as a bitch.
Humor, if we are to be serious about it, arises from the ineluctable fact that we are all born into a losing struggle called life.
And the latest tragedy in life is that for men, the two things they prize the most, women and humor, can’t come together.
the world must know the truth!
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