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Tour de France is not a sport

 

Generally speaking I enjoy watching sports because I like to see my team winning.

The exception to this rule is the Tour de France.

I follow this event every single year to see people lose.

The victories in this long race are never as gratifying to witness as failures.

News recaps each night don’t concentrate on stage winners or team tactics, they stick to the crashes, the allegations of cheating and all the riders’ temper explosions.

Even if your interest in sports is very little, you will enjoy the Tour de France.

We watch it to see how it goes wrong, and Tour de France goes wrong all the time in every direction.

 

Drugs

 

Baseball and basketball can take a nap knowing that even with all the drugs allegations, they will never go as low as cycling.

Drug use is profuse in the Tour de France.

 

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Each year scandals overshadow the event as riders are kicked out for failing drug tests.

Then they accuse other riders and the controversy starts to get lot more coverage than the cycling itself.

And that is what we enjoy.

But drugs are not the only cheating method they use.

The racers do blood doping.

That involves a transfusion of blood rich in red blood cells either from a donor or from the racer himself, so that the blood oxygenates better while riding.

Lance Armstrong was accused by former teammates of blood doping.

 

Fights

 

Drug abuse is intrinsic to cycling and the constant accusations among rival riders and even teammates leads to a lot more fight that any other sport.

Professional cyclists hate each other and when they’re not busy hating each other, they hate microphones and cameras and race officials.

There is so much outspoken animosity among riders in the Tour de France that calling it a rivalry sounds too benevolent.

 

Crashes

 

Just like a game of Mario Kart, it doesn’t matter how phenomenal a racer is in the Tour de France, objects in the road are always the great equalizer.

Crashes on the Tour can be career-ending and the fault can lie with something as simple as a Coke bottle.

With consequences that high, accidents are the most memorable parts of every Tour de France.

The irony is that sometimes the media coverage is exactly what causes the accidents.

Biking is boring to watch unless there is a threat of mortal peril.

The Tour de France offers that perpetual threat around every turn.

 

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Weirdo prototypes you find at every gym

No matter what gym you go to, there is always more than one eccentric specimen.

 

The loud

Just as if being inside a room fool of sweating strangers was not enough, every single gym has at least one noisy.

The guy or girl who can’t exercise without exhaling like a dying seal.

 

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A key element of the gym social contract is staying away from what bother other people and being by someone moaning, believe me, is not pleasing.

You may find the music from Conan the Barbarian relaxing in comparison with the Duh duh fuh fuh  neeee neeuu neu neu neu niiiiiiiiiiii while you’re trying to do some abs.

 

The advisor

 

Every single machine at the gym is pretty hard to operate, especially during your first sessions.

The last thing in the world you want when trying to navigate a stationary bike’s menu system is audience.

So when the unsolicited advisor approaches you with ‘You see? Riding the really tiny trike is way easier if you’re not holding that weight’ you are not going to like him.

Not exactly not like him, more like want to set him on fire.

 

The starer

 

I know what you are thinking; there are starers in many places other than the gym.

That’s right but given the self-consciousness level at play when working out, and the kind of clothes you are wearing, starers are at their most bothersome in the gym.

I started and quit almost every gym near my house and the main reason is always because of the uncomfortable stares.

 

The weight belted

Eventually you’ll spot someone who has a wrestling championship belt around his back.

Sadly, they don’t look like a wrestling athlete because the world isn’t that magical.

This is weight belted guy.

Ideally these guys will hang out in their own gyms, where they can have conversations with other weight belted people but sometimes one of them shows up in regular people gyms.

The problem with the weight belted guy is humiliation.

Weight belted can do something with one arm that you’d been struggling to do with both legs for hours.

I strongly recommend you find out his schedule and exercise on a different day.

 

 

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