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I rather die

 

Doctors and commercials don’t tell you about the side effects of the prescription.

Have you ever read the side effects of any medicine before taking it?

Last night I read the side effect of my anti-allergy pill and I’m convinced that it cause me more sickness than what it actually cure.

The leaflet says ‘This medicine may cause nausea, dry mouth, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, excitability, loss of motor function, irregular heartbeat, tingling sensations in the chest and sinuses’.

Instead of spend lots of money on drugs and alcohol you may take advantage of common medicines side effects.

 

Ambien

Though doctors classify Ambien as a sedative many people claim that it has led them to some of the most amazingly zombie experiences of their lives.

Entire message boards are dedicated to telling stories about the wild night’s people have while taking Ambien.

 

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A study proves that Ambien makes people do a variety of things in their sleep.

People dance, sing, play games and even have sex under the sedative effect and then, they don’t remember anything afterward.

What this medication basically does is stimulate the side of your brain that makes you awesome.

 

Antibiotics

 

If you’ve never had an infection, consider yourself lucky.

The main symptom of an infection are smelling urine, the urge to constantly pee and a burning pain in your wee wee while doing it.

Taking antibiotics is like having the alien instead of genitals.

Doctors prescribe antibiotics to clear up the infection but they forget about the pain while the antibiotics do their work.

While taking antibiotics I strongly recommend not to eat something acid or spicy.

You can imagine why.

 

Viagra

 

Everybody jokes about side effect of Viagra as it was a five hour boner or something similar.

The side effect of taking the blue pill is actually becomes a blue creature.

If you sexual fantasy is about bang Smurfette then probably Viagra will work for you.

A study held with 69 patients who take Viagra, shows that their skin start turning into light blue.

One of the patients even claimed that he would give up all the sex in the world to be able to be white again.

Maybe that was indicative of a second Viagra side effect: not being able to set up priorities.

 

 

 

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Daily Mail 

 

Hidden meaning of children’s popular songs

When you listen to kids’ songs long after you are not children anymore, there is something disturbing you realize you were not aware back then.

Maybe because you only listen to those songs while being a kid or maybe you intentionally omitted the lyrics but there is a complete misunderstanding of what the song was trying to say in the first place.

And it is very disturbing hearing the same sons again knowing what they’re really about.

London Bridge is falling down

We don’t even bother trying to understand it, how bad could this be?

Aside from being a place where people jump to suicide, nothing sinister ever happens on a bridge, right?

Yes right but this song is all about starving children to death.

I’ve studied over the years as to what the collapse of the London Bridge in the song means.

The real interpretation is immurement; don’t know the term?

Immurement is the practice of entombing kids within a structure where they slowly die from lack of food and water.

Is a variation of being buried alive, where kids just get to suffocate.

The tradition is centuries old, based on the belief that such sacrifices would ensure the stability of the structures in which children were trapped.

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London Bridge is most likely a reference to the sacrifice of a child within the bridge’s base to serve as an eternal custodian.

Your kids at school practice ritual sacrifices and you worry that video games teach them bad behavior.

Blow the Man Down

Let’s see, it talks about the ocean and an old skipper so there must have been a bad storm or something that caused him to get blown down, right?

Being blown down doesn’t refer to a strong wind or anything else you probably suspect about a bunch of men stuck at sea for long lonely periods.

Blow the man down is slang for a man being knocked to the ground, either from in-crew fighting or from the ships’ officers inflicting a little discipline.

Jimmy crack corn

The whole master’s gone away line is the source of the trouble here although we have no idea who Jimmy is or why everybody is so indifferent to his enthusiastic corn cracking.

Called Blue tail fly when first written, the original lyrics weren’t Jimmy crack corn but Jim crack corn.

If you actually read through the full song lyrics, it tells the story of an unhappy slave whose job is to follow around his horseback riding master and shoo away the flies.

However, a blue tail fly bites the horse, causing it to buck, and the master to be thrown and killed.

An investigation follows, for which the slave avoids being blamed for the death.

Remember what we said about the refrain, that it used to be Jim crack corn?

A quick search of the old English dictionary finds that Jim crack or gimcrack used to mean cheap and corn was shorthand for whiskey.

In other words, what at first sounds like a lament from a strangely loyal slave suddenly reads like the man is kicking back and enjoying some cheap booze after his jerk master’s death.

It makes way more sense this way; an oppressed slave would celebrate his temporary freedom with a cheap bottle of rotgut.

We’re not saying the song is bad or anything; rejoicing at the death of evil isn’t necessarily evil itself but our children are singing a song about getting high on scotch to commemorate that time a guy got his brains bashed in.

 

 

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Newsweek

 

Zombie apocalypse is around the corner

 

On some instinctual level all humans know it’s just a matter of time until the zombies show up.

Our culture is full of tales of the undead walking the Earth from our religions to our comic books and there are several proofs that zombie apocalypse is not far from happening.

Toxoplasmosa

 

Does exist a living creature named toxoplasmosa that literally takes over rats brains and program them to be eaten by cats.

Half the human population on Earth is infected with toxoplasmosa and don’t know it so if you want to know if you’re one of them, flip a coin.

Infected people see a change in their personality and have a high chance of going insane.

Humans and rats aren’t all that different that’s why science uses them to test our medicines so it only takes is a more evolved version of toxoplasmosa to start the zombie invasion.

Neurotoxins

They are a certain kind of poison that slow your bodily functions to the point that you’ll be considered dead.

Victims that take those drugs remain in a trance state with no memory but are still able to perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping and moaning.

 

neurotoxin

This has happened in Haiti and there’s where the word zombie comes from.

Zombielike Ghoul was a Haitian guy who was declared dead by two doctors and buried in 1962 and found wandering around the village 18 years later.

Landowners were also founded using chemicals to zombify people and putting them to work on the sugar plantations.

The next time you’re pouring sugar into your coffee remember that it may have been handled by a zombie.

 

Neurogenesis

This is a method by which doctors re grow dead brain tissue.

When a patient clinically die and they reanimate him, what they do is just giving life only to the part that controls basic motor function.

Now, combining neurogenesis and reanimation, people will never die and since humans don’t need the cortex to survive, clinically dead people will soon still be able to walk, eat and watch The Big Bang Theory.

Just like when chickens can keep walking around after they’ve been beheaded.

Our goal is to be responsible; we don’t want to create panic.

All we’re saying is that on an actual day on the actual calendar in the near future, microscopic nanobots will end civilization by flooding the planet with the cannibalistic undead.

 

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The New York Times

 

 

Bear attacks is the leading cause of death in U.S.

 

A study released yesterday by the National Institutes of Health showed that for the 35th straight year, violent bear attacks remain the leading cause of death in the United States.

The human health agency’s latest findings revealed that being cruelly killed by a bear resulted in more fatalities than any other disease, claiming the lives of more than 11 million Americans in 2013 alone.

The NIH’s annual mortality report also confirmed that one person in the United States dies every 10 seconds from a bear attack.

Even though efforts to combat this terrible affliction research indicate Americans are far more likely to be brutally beaten by a bear than ever before, said the study’s author, William Gummie.

An estimated 1 in 3 Americans will suffer a bear attack at some point in their lives and 1 in 4 will be eviscerated and devoured before their 30’s.

According to the NIH a bear attack most commonly occurs when an individual is camping, fishing or performing any other outdoor activity.

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National Authorities recommends reducing the time spent outside and remaining at home as much as possible to reduce the risks of death.

Although the study shows that these brutal attacks affects every demographic group, men under 35 with hippie lifestyles faced the greatest risk of a devastating bear attack.

Bears attacks cause over $328 billion in health care expenditures and lost productivity every year threating workplaces, offices, factories, as well as bars, restaurants and night clubs.

Medical professionals have long advised potential victims to remain vigilant of the early warning signs that often accompany a bear attack in order to avoid the risks.

The most common symptoms include heartbeat, sweating, lightheadedness, as well as sharp, stabbing pain, which many individuals fail to identify as a bear sinking its teeth into their body.

Many people tend to ignore these symptoms because they are high on drugs or drunk; that’s very very dangerous and could lead to death, said Felicia Yogi, Head Director of Kansas Hospital Emergency Services.

When you’re being torn to shreds by a bear, every second is important and you should report it as soon as you feel that gigantic presence surrounding your body.

 

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United States President, Mr. Barack Obama recently witnessed the tragic death of a longtime friend who suffered an unexpected bear attack during a Skype conference call.

On his 45th birthday we were chatting as we do every night and I saw him being eaten alive by that brown eyed fluffy bear.

I don’t want that to happen to any other US Citizen so this year we will work together with Republicans to approve a comprehensive ‘Against Bear Attack’ law.

It’s not fair that we teach our citizens to exercise, quit smoking and eat healthy food but we don’t protect them from being eaten by bears.

However, not everyone is convinced of the efficiency of such legislation, with some potential victims claiming that genetics plays a substantial role in the chances of an individual being messily devoured, making such a gory end inevitable.

The troubling statistics also confirmed that an increasing number of young children are too overweight to outrun a bear.

Being fat contribute to be more easily targeted by a bear as food and hard to run away.

Numerous testimonies of fat people being attached by bears reflect their immediate urge to become skinny and stop eating candy.

The doctors told me that I have to change my bad habits, I have to lose weight and eat vegetables in order to avoid being so delicious to bears, declares Paul Teddy, a 15 year old survivor of bear attack near Orlando Heigh Parks the Christmas Eve of 2012.

 

 

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