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Happy couples

All the cheap talk about relationships intellectuals give on TV or the internet is pure ornamental.

Saving or maintaining a relationship is all about recognizing the most romantic solution possible and do exactly the opposite.

 

Don’t spend time together

 

It may sound very obvious but there are lots of couples that make this mistake.

It is pretty clear that to keep a couple alive in the long term you need to enjoy the fun time separate.

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Especially when it involves a hobby that one partner really likes.

The absolute worst thing you can do to another human being is to force him to engage in an activity he doesn’t enjoy.

 

Sleep apart

 

In some small minds, sleeping apart means unhappy relationship.

In real life, sleeping apart from your significant other every night on purpose is the best you can do for the relationship.

A huge part of your success in life depends on how much and how well you sleep.

Well, there is almost no way those slumber hours are going to be improved on by adding another person into the mix.

On average, people are woken up six times a night by their partner.

Hogging the sheets, rolling over, legs movements, sweats and night terrors are just a few examples of things that ruin the quality of our rest night after night.

 

Marry someone ugly or stupid

 

The happiest and most successful relationships are between people with a huge number of similarities.

However, there seems to be two very big exceptions.

People want to hook up with someone who is both less smart and uglier than you.

Lowering your standards will make you much happier in the long run.

In other words, uglier lovers last longer.

Researchers also found that to fit the ideal marriage formula, the wife should be smarter than her husband.

 

Lie

 

Having an altered vision about your significant other is the most important ingredient in a couple.

You need to be able to delude yourself.

Make all necessary efforts to end up seeing your couple as perfect, even when deeply inside you may know is ugly and stupid.

That my friends, is the secret to lifelong happiness.

 

 

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Happiest place on earth my snow white ass

 

According to his slogan Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth.

That description may fit for some specific kids and a few teenagers that go there completely boozed but for the rest of us, everything about Disneyland is a pain.

 

Epcot

 

Epcot is like experiencing the different cultures of the world but without the culture part.

If you visited Magic Kingdom you probably remember Epcot as the one with all the weird educational rides that teach you nothing.

Epcot is also the only theme park with alcohol so I recommend you to leave it for the last day of vacations.

 

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Every bathroom you enter at Epcot is packed of passed out people so they start littering the bushes and trees and dropping in the street.

At Epcot there is also the Mission Space, a highest speed attraction.

Mission Space is like a big centrifuge ride so given the alcohol element already described, it is very likely that you will end up wearing some dude’s lunch for the rest of the day.

 

Costumes

 

The regular Disney costume is made of wool and polyester.

Given that the average temperature in Florida is 95°F (35°C) being all day long hugging those huge stuffed animals is something any kid would like to avoid.

Not even to mention being the guy wearing them.

All those sleeping princesses you see walking by while waiting for a ride, they aren’t waiting for a kiss, they have heat exhaustion.

The character costumes are also heavy, they cover all their bodies and they absorb the previous employee transpiration so they even smell like hell.

 

Visitors

 

In general, there seems to be a weird desire by visitors to debunk the idea of Disney characters.

They are always trying to unveil the person behind the costume or catching Mickey eating at a restaurant while another Mickey is marching in a parade.

And that’s so strange because it threaten their presumably fantastic vacation.

They spend thousands of dollars to visit a magic place and when they are there the only thing they want is try to ruin that magic.

It is for the sake of your trip that they are preserving the magic.

 

 

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Benefits of being mean

 

We tend to think that relaxed and calm people are the healthiest and happiest in the world.

You wish.

There’s a reason humans still cling to the behaviors that get us tagged as assholes and that’s because they make us healthier.

 

Bad words

 

Most linguists agree that the reason we have such a thing as cursing in human language is because it’s help us release the pain.

 

Every time you smacking the closet door right in the middle of your face it seems to hurt a little less if you scream like a pig. 

That’s because cursing simply increase pain tolerance.

 

Gossip

 

We all know that being fat can take years off your life and that being ugly also because of the suffering it cause but did you know talking about how fat and ugly other people are can boost your health?

Yeah!

A study from the University of Michigan found that gossip has positive health benefits and is the main reason why women live longer than men.

Talking about other people lives help us bond with our friends and also reduce stress.

Gossip is like an RSS feed that keeps you constantly updated on the deviant your social circle is up to.

 

Anger

 

According to science, in the right situations, anger helps your blood pressure and general wellbeing.

Researchers at Carnegie Mellon found that anger, in stressful situations; it was a much better alternative than just keep calm.

Choosing anger provides more positive effects on both blood pressure and mental health than calmness.

 

Complain

 

We all hate people who complain.

But not all complaining causes bad reactions.

In the right context complaining can actually boost the complainer’s health and immunity as well as the health of those who share the same complaints.

It’s all about the power of complaining in groups.

We are social animals and even bitching about things we can’t control gives us a boost if we do it in group.

 

 

 

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Chicago Tribune

 

Tips to be happy

You can find millions of articles in on the internet with tips for living a happier life.

They all mention exercise, being thankful, keep a positive attitude and several stupid things that of course I won’t include here.

What I’m giving you are more like the cheat codes to happiness.

 

Think about death

 

We are dead much longer than we are alive so we need to think about dead as something familiar.

People who frequently think and talk about death are more pleasant and less irritable; we are better company for everyone.

If you think about death at least once a day you’ll live with a little more charity and fellowship to everyone around you.

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People with higher awareness of death are more patient and generous with others.

When we remind ourselves of our own mortality we want to be better people and make our short time on this world more fun and positive.

 

Watch sad movies

 

Look at the Best Picture winners from the past 25 years and you’ll notice a trend.

Schindler’s List, Brave heart, The English Patient, Titanic, Million Dollar Baby, The King’s Speech…

These movies were specifically designed to make you weep and won all the possible awards.

Scientists were curious about this so they conducted a study involving a few hundred participants.

Before starting the sad movie, the researchers asked the participants how happy they were with their lives in general.

After the movie was over, the researchers asked the participants to rate their emotions and they found that the participants had become happier because they had subconsciously compared their own with the horrible tragedies onscreen.

Watching others fail on such hopelessly spectacular levels actually makes us feel better about our lives.

 

Stay busy

 

Unless you’re Batman, when you think about being happy, 9 out of 10 it has nothing to do with working.

There’s nothing more relaxing than the thought of being home relaxing and letting time pass slowly by with no obligations.

However keeping your mind busy makes you happier than just lying around and letting your brain take a break.

People who multitask, combining writing, chatting, watching TV and listening to music experience more emotional fulfillment than those who focused on only one activity or nothing at all.

The more tasks you give your brain to accomplish, the more dopamine gets released into your system.

 

 

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 In Touch Weekly 

 Cheating: The secret of happy couples

A recent study from the King Abdullah University of Saudi Arabia shows that the key to a happy marriage is adultery.

Cheating in secret is the secret to a happy marriage.

The discovery of the research was that infidelity can actually revive a tired marriage.

Not only is it natural to think about being with another people, it would be healthier to act on those fantasies, said Halem al-Rafei, chief of the marriage department at the King Abdullah University.

Monogamous marriages are unnatural and we should allow for the more natural habit of taking other partners.

The study compares the monogamous spouses to a caged animal that continues to see temptation beyond the bars, but cannot get to it.

Whereas partners who engage in no-strings attached flings do not feel trapped in their marriage.

Total discretion is the absolute rule; the other party should never find out in order to keep a happy, healthy and lasting relationship.

It may sounds contradictory but is not.

Couples should model their relationships on understanding.

There should be no feeling of betrayal when a woman finds lipstick on her man’s collar or a hotel bill on his charge card statement.

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Halem claims that nearly a quarter of the world population and a third of the American population engages in extramarital affairs with no repercussions.

If a person is locked in a celibate marriage, the best solution is to seek sex from an alternative source instead of trying to work through whatever issues you have having with your spouse and that will result in staying together forever.

Cheat, secrets, lies and being away from the person you love for long periods of time are the best path to a happy relationship.

 

 

 

 

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