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GameInformer Magazine

 

Resident Evil movies are better than the games

 

In my humble opinion the Resident Evil movies are the most successful video game movie series ever made.

Some gamers complain about the movies but I love the movies and have powerful reasons.

 

Gamers are not allowed to criticize movies

 

In 1996 Resident Evil games and their fans surrendered any right to criticize any moving image with the worst intro movie ever made.

Back then people were still excited about full motion videos and you’d swear that Resident Evil was trying to warn them that it would never get better.

If you didn’t watch that clip I’m not going to ruin the blissful ignorance you’ve wisely earned.

But let’s just say that people have looked tougher than this grizzled action hero while losing on Cake Wars.

 

The movies have a better plot

 

The first complaint gamers have about the movies is that they don’t follow the plot of the games.

Of course they don’t, the movies aren’t nine hours long and even if they were, eight hours of watching people slowly fetch pointless objects while avoiding shambling bodies isn’t cinema.

The plot of Resident Evil games is dumb.

wallpaper_resident_evil_4_05_16001

 

In fact the plot of the original games got so stupid that even the games dumped most of it, restarting in Resident Evil 4.

 

Sequel strategy

 

The games had nine different kinds of virus and parasite.

It’s like they got confused about whether people were playing because they liked to shoot zombies or because they were interested in virologist fan fiction.

Since any one of the viruses in the game can apparently do anything, it’s more pointless replication of terrible things than the Kardashian family.

Bizarrely, the movies are better at rebooting between levels than the computer games.

The movies approach sequels like tank combat.

The old one blows up, so you make the new one bigger and even more awesome.

Anything that could have complicated the story is blown up at the start of the next movie.

The movies are incredibly and stupid but they work.

Each Resident Evil movie makes more money than the one before, which is exactly the kind of exponential profit from disasters the Umbrella Corporation would have been going for all this time.

The movies get terrible reviews but are a huge amount of fun.

And I think that we should admit that the games were the exact opposite.

 

Movies don’t waste as much time as games

 

Fans of the game have complained that the movies are lowbrow, and yes, they are clinically incapable of going five minutes without doing something awesomely stupid.

At least they’re doing something.

Games use more padding to keep people stuck than Arkham Asylum, and the contents make less sense.

Most of the games are one part zombies to 20 parts fetch quest.

Resident Evil 2 has you placing a unicorn medal in the police station foyer fountain statue so it can pour you a key.

The quests have less than no explanation and the result is trawling endless narrow corridors full of undead and picking up anything you find because those are the only paths you can follow.

Just like a Pac Man.

 

 

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the world must know the truth!

 

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Los Angeles Times

 

Zombie fiction doesn’t make any sense

 

I love zombie movies.

However, there are several points about zombie fiction that my mind refuses to acknowledge.

I watch a lot of zombie movies, always with different people, and these same details no one wants to explain to me because ‘it’s just fiction’ they said.

I secretly still want to understand some points.

 

Zombies never ever finish their meal

 

Let’s make an example.

Our movie opens with something pleasant.

Milla Jovovich dressed in mildly inappropriate fashion.

Immediately a zombie runs out of nowhere and ‘bwaaggh blarr gwaaahggg’ try to eat someone’s head.

The biggest problem for a non-zombie is becoming a zombie and zombies are driven only by base hunger.

So if all they want to do is eat you, why are there so many zombies around?

 

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Shouldn’t cities in movies be full of skeletons all over the place and such?

That would make sense for me.

 

Where does the food go?

 

I don’t understand the simple problem of zombie biology.

If they consume flesh, it needs to go somewhere.

World War Z made reference to their stomachs exploding but no one on camera has addressed it.

Why is this question important?

It’s about a fictional world in which the primary danger to the very existence of humans as a species is a thing that uses eating as its chief weapon.

There should be a stunning amount of zombie poop all over the world, shouldn’t?

 

The cure

 

The Walking Dead has brought this up a number of times and it was a big part of the 28 Days Later: can you cure a zombie?

Of course you’d want to get rid of whatever it is that makes you a zombie but after you die, start eating people and been shot a few times, maybe it’s better leave it as it is.

I clearly don’t understand why the zombie apocalypse instills so much new faith in medical science in cures them.

 

Zombies chase the most dangerous food

 

When we are hungry we have lots of choices, so why don’t zombies?

I like the idea of be a zombie in general but of all the things you could mindlessly eat, why choose people?

And if they prefer to eat people, why don’t they eat each other?

How they know who is already a zombie?

I remember that the movie ‘Shaun of the Dead’ they suggested that just acting like a zombie was enough to getting past them.

I like to think that if I were a zombie I’d just spend my existence eating oreo and goldfish.

 

 

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the world must know the truth!

 

 


 

 

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Hollywood Reporter

 

Superheroes childhood secrets

 

Every hero’s origin story is false.

Batman was not a rich kid who watched his parents die, The Hulk was not Dr. Bruce Banner and Wolverine… well… Wolverine was not always angry.

I’ve studied and researched every superhero origin and discovered the explanation for their adult behavior.

 

Spiderman was molested

 

What they told us is that Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider as a kid and gained superpowers.

After his Uncle Ben is murdered by a criminal, Pete starts using his abilities to punch other muggers for the benefit of society.

That’s all false.

The true story behind Spiderman is that when Peter Parker was a teenager, a guy touched his penis.

It all started when the kid in Spiderman’s story became friends with a creepy older boy named Bally.

Peter confessed to Bally what happened to the relatives he lived with, and was immediately molested by him.

 

Superheroes-2

 

 

The way Spiderman found to deal with this trauma as an adult, was dressing a crazy costume and punching people around.

Every time Spiderman is punching Doctor Octopus, he is actually thinking about his friend Bally.

 

Superman has mommy issues

 

They told us that Superman is the last survivor of planet Krypton and given special abilities by the Earth’s atmosphere.

Then he adopts the secret identity of a reporter and stops local maniac Lex Luthor from destroying the world.

Again, that’s not true.

The truth is that every decision in Superman’s life and career can be traced back to the same thing, and that thing is the fact that he was in love with his mom.

Of course at Krypton love practices are different.

Krypton is a polygamous planet and is normal there for people to date their own parents.

The closer Superman gets to date his own mother was falling in love with Luisa Lane, who is much older than him.

 

Lex Luthor is not bad, is just mad for not having hair

 

Why an extremely rich guy, with genius level intellect, exceptional memory, science proficiency and a successful career would be evil?

Lex Luthor is evil because he’s pissed about being bald.

As kids, Lex, Superman and Batman were friends.

The young Lex, with the head full of hair, used his super genius abilities for good.

One day he was working on a cure for Superman’s weakness to Kryptonite and his lab burned in fire.

Superman accidentally makes Lex bald in the process of saving his life.

That breaks Lex and makes him the cruelest, most complex super villain in the universe.

 

 

 

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Ben Affleck teaches and Stanley Kubrick is a humble student

From Screen Daily

Ben Affleck teaches and Stanley Kubrick is a humble student

 

In addition to enthusiasts opinion there is some facts to be consider that we expose in this honest comparison

 

Being Affleck an acclaimed actor himself gives a much more comprehensive perception of the movie industry itself.

 

Kubrick unsuccessfully attempts to pursue an actor career and that is revealed as frustration in his productions.

stanley-kubrick

Affleck was greatly awarded as actor likewise as a director and he was recognized at a very young age what proves his innate aptitude.

 

Achievement reaches Kubrick later on his life and only as a result of uninspiring movies that for unstable reasons got trendy among the irresponsible audience from the decay of social order 60s society.

 

He was almost 32 years old when nominated to the Locarno International Film Festival which is of course a not a very distinguished award.

 

At the age of 25 Affleck won the Academy Award for Good Will Hunting.

 

His director debut work received the National Board of Review Award.

 

Affleck directed and starred in The Town and Argo wich won him the Golden Globe Award, BAFTA, and Directors Guild Award for Best Director, and the Golden Globe Award, BAFTA, the Producers Guild Award and the Academy Award for Best Picture.

BAFTA Affleck Clooney

 

He will continue his directorial career when he adapts Dennis Lehane’s 2012 novel Live by Night for a 2015 theatrical release.

 

Affleck movies inspired the audience to consider profound subjects as love, sexuality, mass media values and reflect on them.

 

Kubrick lacks of that influence. His movies only employ disturbing, violent images as in A clockwork orange or blurred obsessed mental states as in Lolita.

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