The Miami Herald
Of course Batman is better than Superman
I can’t believe there are people still arguing about Batman versus Superman.
The debate always devolves to the playground level of who would win in a fight and this ultimate showdown proves that Batman is the better character.
Because he would lose.
Supporting Superman because he’d win is like supporting a nuclear missile against your cell phone because it would beat your phone.
Yes, of course it would, but which one is more interesting?
Which one would you rather spend time with?
Batman stories are way interesting
Superman is the original comic book superhero as we now understand the term and like many 80 year old men, he repeats his stories too often.
Not killing people is an important part of Superman’s character, but there’s a huge gap between a moral code against murder and letting idiots who can afford fancy dress waste four months of everyone’s lives.
Batman’s insistence on the same code is much impressive because he’s actually risking himself for it.
Batman’s everyday confrontations are still interesting.
You know he’s going to win, but he always has multiple methods, none of which are just be immune at them until they die of old age.
He can turn one criminal with a gun into one of the coolest takedowns of all time.
This is why Batman has brilliant video games and Superman doesn’t.
Batman is far superior to his enemies, but will still be shot to death the second he screws up and that’s what makes victory fun.
Superman games are all annoying because he has to be ridiculously weakened, because challenge is impossible when you’re a walking God Mode.
Batman is himself
That title might sound odd when you’re talking about a man with a secret identity dressed up as a giant latex rodent but Batman has never been exposed to anti vengeance.
Batman writers don’t have to fight their own main character to write a story.
Superman has been affected by more chemicals and forces than hydrogen.
Magic, hypnosis, an entire anti rainbow of Kryptonite that made him suck and whenever things get too troublesome they just block out the sun.
One of the worst examples was Aliens vs. Superman.
Batman is smarter
Superman is meant to be super intelligent but his solution to every problem is either charging straight at it with his fists up or throwing things.
That’s why his most famous villain is mastermind Lex Luthor: Someone has to do interesting things to keep the story moving.
Batman is the master detective; with him we’re actually following the trail instead of playing Kryptonian hide and seek.
You know they’re both going to save the day, but with Batman, you still get to wonder how.
With Superman, you just flip a coin as to whether he’ll end the movie by punching or lifting.
the world must know the truth!
San Francisco Daily
Iron Man is greater than Batman
I’ve used to like Batman more than Iron Man, then I studied them a little deeper and understood about my misconception.
Of course they are the best superheroes in their leagues, Batman beats Superman and Iron Man beats Captain America but when it comes to compare them to each other we have to think a little beyond the simplicity of physical strength.
Iron Man did more good
Maybe arms dealer is a challenging origin for a good guy but his father built the company when weapons merchants were heroes because of Hitler.
Howard Stark reversed the polarity of Godwin’s law.
His entire legacy was ‘No more Nazis’ and ‘Yes more Captain America’ which means he couldn’t have been a better advertisement for weapons technology.
Tony genuinely believed that giving the good guys guns was how you fixed things and sacrificed billions to stop the very second he found out he was wrong.
On the other side, the very instant Bruce Wayne didn’t get what he wanted; he stormed off to a remote prison hellhole.
Wayne Industries must have had more military projects on the go than the actual U.S. Army, they spent years and millions of dollars as the sort of company where forcing people to die of thirst was a possible revenue stream.
Both superheroes are ridiculously selfish billionaires abusing privilege like they hired it to wear a gimp mask in their basement.
Both hoard technology that could revolutionize society just to their own benefit but Tony Stark uses functional AI and a free power source to drunken drive in a way there aren’t laws against yet so at least he enjoys it.
He’s also working on infinite free energy for the world.
Bruce Wayne misuses more funds than Enron and uses it to hunt poor people for sport.
Watching Bruce Wayne worrying over his inability to stop crime while he could buy the entire GCPD, it’s annoying.
Both movies had the most perfect players possible without involving genetic engineering.
This could be a shot of the actor or the character.
Robert Downey Jr. was stuck being a boyfriend on the wimpy romantic legal comedy Ally McBeal, the exact opposite role to Iron Man, until he got fired for drug offenses and became the ultimate Method actor.
Since then, he’s become Tony Stark and Sherlock Holmes, the two best drug abusers in fictional history.
Christian Bale is also the perfect Batman.
He’s clearly a wealthy lunatic and emotionally deficient as Bruce.
Tony Stark realizes that people have been misusing his inventions to kill people.
Although when you invent missiles, there’s little room to misuse.
The profiteering war merchant then blew things up for two straight movies and the only things he killed were robots or actually pointing guns at screaming women and children at that exact moment.
On the other end is Batman whose ‘don’t kill them immediately’ attitude is about as moral as the guy from Saw.
He’s cruel and unusual punishment personified.
Gotham criminals don’t have employee insurance so every time he cripples one; he is at best dooming them to stay home for the rest of the days.
Gotham criminal’s families are now stuck with a bitter psychopath who cannot even leave the house.
Batman has caused more domestic violence than drugs and alcohol combined.
the world must know the truth!
Superheroes childhood secrets
Every hero’s origin story is false.
Batman was not a rich kid who watched his parents die, The Hulk was not Dr. Bruce Banner and Wolverine… well… Wolverine was not always angry.
I’ve studied and researched every superhero origin and discovered the explanation for their adult behavior.
Spiderman was molested
What they told us is that Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider as a kid and gained superpowers.
After his Uncle Ben is murdered by a criminal, Pete starts using his abilities to punch other muggers for the benefit of society.
That’s all false.
The true story behind Spiderman is that when Peter Parker was a teenager, a guy touched his penis.
It all started when the kid in Spiderman’s story became friends with a creepy older boy named Bally.
Peter confessed to Bally what happened to the relatives he lived with, and was immediately molested by him.
The way Spiderman found to deal with this trauma as an adult, was dressing a crazy costume and punching people around.
Every time Spiderman is punching Doctor Octopus, he is actually thinking about his friend Bally.
Superman has mommy issues
They told us that Superman is the last survivor of planet Krypton and given special abilities by the Earth’s atmosphere.
Then he adopts the secret identity of a reporter and stops local maniac Lex Luthor from destroying the world.
Again, that’s not true.
The truth is that every decision in Superman’s life and career can be traced back to the same thing, and that thing is the fact that he was in love with his mom.
Of course at Krypton love practices are different.
Krypton is a polygamous planet and is normal there for people to date their own parents.
The closer Superman gets to date his own mother was falling in love with Luisa Lane, who is much older than him.
Lex Luthor is not bad, is just mad for not having hair
Why an extremely rich guy, with genius level intellect, exceptional memory, science proficiency and a successful career would be evil?
Lex Luthor is evil because he’s pissed about being bald.
As kids, Lex, Superman and Batman were friends.
The young Lex, with the head full of hair, used his super genius abilities for good.
One day he was working on a cure for Superman’s weakness to Kryptonite and his lab burned in fire.
Superman accidentally makes Lex bald in the process of saving his life.
That breaks Lex and makes him the cruelest, most complex super villain in the universe.
the world must know the truth!