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GameInformer Magazine

 

Resident Evil movies are better than the games

 

In my humble opinion the Resident Evil movies are the most successful video game movie series ever made.

Some gamers complain about the movies but I love the movies and have powerful reasons.

 

Gamers are not allowed to criticize movies

 

In 1996 Resident Evil games and their fans surrendered any right to criticize any moving image with the worst intro movie ever made.

Back then people were still excited about full motion videos and you’d swear that Resident Evil was trying to warn them that it would never get better.

If you didn’t watch that clip I’m not going to ruin the blissful ignorance you’ve wisely earned.

But let’s just say that people have looked tougher than this grizzled action hero while losing on Cake Wars.

 

The movies have a better plot

 

The first complaint gamers have about the movies is that they don’t follow the plot of the games.

Of course they don’t, the movies aren’t nine hours long and even if they were, eight hours of watching people slowly fetch pointless objects while avoiding shambling bodies isn’t cinema.

The plot of Resident Evil games is dumb.

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In fact the plot of the original games got so stupid that even the games dumped most of it, restarting in Resident Evil 4.

 

Sequel strategy

 

The games had nine different kinds of virus and parasite.

It’s like they got confused about whether people were playing because they liked to shoot zombies or because they were interested in virologist fan fiction.

Since any one of the viruses in the game can apparently do anything, it’s more pointless replication of terrible things than the Kardashian family.

Bizarrely, the movies are better at rebooting between levels than the computer games.

The movies approach sequels like tank combat.

The old one blows up, so you make the new one bigger and even more awesome.

Anything that could have complicated the story is blown up at the start of the next movie.

The movies are incredibly and stupid but they work.

Each Resident Evil movie makes more money than the one before, which is exactly the kind of exponential profit from disasters the Umbrella Corporation would have been going for all this time.

The movies get terrible reviews but are a huge amount of fun.

And I think that we should admit that the games were the exact opposite.

 

Movies don’t waste as much time as games

 

Fans of the game have complained that the movies are lowbrow, and yes, they are clinically incapable of going five minutes without doing something awesomely stupid.

At least they’re doing something.

Games use more padding to keep people stuck than Arkham Asylum, and the contents make less sense.

Most of the games are one part zombies to 20 parts fetch quest.

Resident Evil 2 has you placing a unicorn medal in the police station foyer fountain statue so it can pour you a key.

The quests have less than no explanation and the result is trawling endless narrow corridors full of undead and picking up anything you find because those are the only paths you can follow.

Just like a Pac Man.

 

 

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the world must know the truth!

 

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    E! Entertainment 

     

    Yuya vs. Shane Dawson

    With 80 million videos and 3 billion video views, YouTube currently eats up more bandwidth than the entire internet in 2002 but watching some of the trending YouTube channel videos is like reading the text messages between a 16 year old girl and Chewbacca.

    A clear example is Shane Dawson; nobody else offers a more patent evidence that the average US citizen cannot handle the responsibility of an open video channel.

    I used to watch Shane’s first videos myself and after a couple of weeks he started to repeat his jokes and every other video was about him thanking us for watching his videos.

    In a matter of months he became the epitome of annoying.

     

     

    Using the same platform we have an example of pureness and commitment with good job: Mariand Castrejon best known as Yuya.

    She is a sophisticated and intelligent woman whose videos are of paramount importance.

    Her soft and warm voice is another remarkable feature that put the last touches on the excellence of her YouTube channel.

    She shares beauty tips and recommendations to help people achieve physical attractiveness and we all know that being beautiful is the first priority of life.

    Attractive people are more socially successful, more financially successful and clearly happier than unattractive people.

    And women are particularly drawn to beauty and are in their element when surrounded with this kind of training videos like Yuya’s.

    Being beautiful and pretty is what makes us healthier and happier than ugly people.

    External beauty makes us better people and for a woman to be a good person it’s necessary to feel and look like a princess.

    For male individuals being intelligent or good people can be useful too but for women the only thing that matters is being skinny and pretty.

    Yuya gives every woman the chance to learn how to achieve ideal beauty by following her YouTube tutorials.

    On the other hand Shane Dawson doesn’t give us anything useful, he is really annoying and his jokes are not even funny.

    Anyone who films himself raging about trivial things or documenting their personal lives and inexplicably gets a ridiculous number of subscribers must be automatically banned by YouTube.

    Google, who now owns YouTube, does a great job filtering the spam content on his other platforms but they are not doing it with YouTube and that should soon change.

    Shane is a clear product of the reality show television culture in which people will do anything for fame, even if it brings humiliation and nonsense.

    Small minded people always sought fame so it is no surprise he is doing it.

    Genesis Chapter 4 tells us that the first motivation for building the Tower of Babel was that the builders could make a celebrated name for themselves so maybe with land being so expensive these days, YouTube is seen as the modern way to satisfy the same primitive impulse.

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