Le Monde diplomatique
Le Monde diplomatique
Exercising is very dangerous
During January lot of people decide to get back in shape and start exercising.
If you are one of them, congratulations, you are exposing your body to irreversible harms.
So you decided to start the gym so you set up the alarm 6 am in the morning, put on running shoes and shorts and go to the gym.
Everything is perfect until when your body detects that you are at the farthest possible point from your toilet, you realize that hitting up last night dinner as a celebratory kickoff to your new life.
Working out makes your feet vibrate and hit resonance with your gastrointestinal system causing it the urge to poop so the same thing will happen to you every single day as long as you exercise and that will affect your natural way to evacuate.
If you overcome this problem and you keep exercising, after a couple of weeks you will find another displeasing issue.
You will notice that when you go out with your friends, you’re always covered in sweat while they’re baby powder dry.
Their skin is smooth and yours is actively sweating, profusely.
You constantly look like you’ve just stepped out of the gym or even a swimming pool. A swimming pool filled with stinky grease.
As you become fit, you sweat sooner and you sweat more.
As you increase your exercise intensity and duration your body sweats way more to be better prepared for the athletic punishment you regularly put it through.
Another misconception of being fit is that staying in shape makes you sexy.
No, you will now need to hide a lot of body parts like your feet.
Your feet are going to be ugly, people who practice sports has horrible feet.
Forget about your cute nails, your feet are going to become twisted, rough and ugly nailed for the rest of your life.
An additional fitness perk is that all those areas of your body that come into close proximity and spend the duration of your workout touching each other are going to leave you with a nice red blemish that looks like some skin disease you pick up on a trip to South Africa.
And the most important consequence of working out: physical effort causes your genitals to shrink.
Let’s say you’ve decided to get even manlier by lifting objects and then placing them down again.
Over and over you do that stupid movement and your muscles fill with blood, your biceps swell, and you can see the visage of a young Schwarzenegger in your own face.
One day you step into the shower and you discover you no longer have any balls.
Indeed, you’ve become a Ken doll.
So remember, if you are not naturally skinny like me and you decide to go to the gym you just have to deal with three things:
– Disgusting feet
– Continuous sweating
– No more balls
the world must know the truth!